You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
