Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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