He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
