I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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