Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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