I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
A+ Viking dick
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
