This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Mom said you looked used
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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