despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
