apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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