No awkward lesbian experiences without me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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