Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
