He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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