ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
