i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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