Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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