i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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