So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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