38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
