did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
