based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i came on her dog
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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