I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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