Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
