he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
