awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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