with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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