white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
