You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
