What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
