we're blogging at a bar
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
