The maid of honor just puked.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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