I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
