By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
