DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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