We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
