You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
