First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
