I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
