swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
