you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
