It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
