I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
