Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
