Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
