Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
