i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
