Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
