What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize