You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize
