im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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