I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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