Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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