I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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