It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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