she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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