If i could tip my vagina, i would.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
