so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
