the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
