Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
