i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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