Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
