I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
