Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My breasts were aching with rage.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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