also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
