I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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