is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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