check it out our google latitudes are spooning
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
