even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
