wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
