eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
