For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
