Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
