I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
