Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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